I Want To Wade Into The Lake Midwinter

A Three Channel Video Installation

I find myself wishing that the way I hurt was palatable, that my pain could be quirky, my feelings  distilled into one “you’re so hot when you’re angry” yes please! Tell me I cry pretty! Tell me I can want to die pretty!

When women attempt suicide they are more likely to choose death by overdose, nothing too loud, nothing too messy. Even in the ultimate place of pain that someone can experience, we feel as though we cannot over-step, we cannot leave behind anything to clean up. We must float ourselves down the river, garlanded in gold and flowers.

Exploiting the myth that in order to make good art  the arist has to use their pain, make it worth something. So this is me taking it literally, if I am going to hurt myself anyway why not do it on camera? If I’m going to walk through snow why not barefoot? 

I wanted to look at the aesthetics of pain, the ways it can be artistic, eye-catching, satisfying, for both viewer and artist. And how, for women, this means that their pain is trivialised, reduced to a medium, like clay, to be molded into something that people will want to look at

—

I want to wade into the lake midwinter, that much is part of

 me ……..unspooling myself…………melting into the water

I become a stream……….. I flow formless……thoughtless…….touchless

feeling is not expected of me

nothing is 

expected 

of 

me

 

The Installation of ‘Red’ consists of the video beign projected onto a sloped wall, before it is a piece of red fabric covered in broken white china, upon which the viewers are invited to tread.

The installation of ‘Green’ consists of a fish tank, a piece of suspended fabric onto which the video is projected, and a mechanism.  A button allows the viewer to control a motor (bottom right) that moves a small blade back and forth, slowly wearing away at the threads holding up the fabric piece. Eventually the viewers action will cause the fabric to fall into the water, and the image will be lost. 

The installation for ‘Blue’ consists of the gears and pedal of a bicycle (wrapped in blue fabric), when the viewer spins the pedal it rattles the tree branch on the left.